Allison Holker’s Discovery of Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss’ Struggles: A Journey of Grief, Understanding, and Advocacy
A Shocking Revelation in a Time of Grief
Allison Holker, widow of the late Stephen “tWitch” Boss, faced an unimaginable discovery during one of the most challenging days of her life. Weeks after Boss’ tragic death by suicide in December 2022, the dancer found a hidden “cornucopia” of drugs, including mushrooms and unidentified pills, concealed in shoeboxes.
Holker, 36, recounts the moment while preparing for Boss’ funeral with a close friend. “It was a triggering moment for me. I found things in our closet that I never knew existed,” she shares in an exclusive interview with PEOPLE. “It was alarming and scary, but it also made me realize he was hiding so much pain and shame.”
A Life of Secrets and Pain
Throughout their nine-year marriage, Holker believed she and Boss shared open communication, particularly about his marijuana use, which he used for personal downtime in their guesthouse. However, after his death, Holker uncovered deeper struggles in his journals.
“He was wrestling with so much and tried to self-medicate because he didn’t want to burden anyone,” she says. The journals revealed references to a traumatic childhood, including being sexually abused by a male figure, and the extent of his emotional pain became heartbreakingly clear.
“Reading his journals and the books he had marked up gave me empathy for him. He carried so much pain alone,” Holker reflects.
A Dual Life: Balancing Public Persona and Inner Turmoil
Holker now sees the growing chasm between Boss’ extroverted public persona as “tWitch” and his introspective private self, Stephen. As a beloved DJ on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and a judge on So You Think You Can Dance, he was known for his infectious energy and charisma.
Yet at home, Boss sought to recharge and be a devoted husband and father to their three children, Weslie (16), Maddox (8), and Zaia (5). “I loved how he could be both tWitch and Stephen, but I realize now those two sides of him were battling each other,” Holker explains.
The Final Days
In the days before his passing, Boss seemed withdrawn, showered less, and smoked more frequently. Although he admitted he was going through a low period, his careful wording masked the depth of his struggles. Holker recalls his focus on preparing for a “big year,” as he closed out eight years on Ellen.
The morning before he disappeared, Boss dropped Weslie off at school, leaving her with the poignant words, “I wish I could be your Superman.” Weslie, the last family member to see him alive, has grappled with their meaning. “She handles it with grace, but it’s a battle she’ll carry,” Holker says.
Turning Pain Into Advocacy
In her new memoir, This Far (out Feb. 4), Holker shares her journey of healing and self-discovery. By shedding light on Boss’ hidden struggles, she hopes to encourage others to address their pain openly.
“I hope people in similar situations step out of the shadows,” she says. “Mental health can affect anyone at any time. It’s crucial to provide a safe space for them to be themselves without judgment.”
Holker has teamed up with organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness and Maple Counseling to spread awareness and offer resources.
“People with light often carry darkness too. That’s okay because you can’t have one without the other,” she says.
A Message of Hope
Holker’s mission is clear: to honor Boss’ legacy by helping others struggling in silence. “If sharing our story saves even one life, it’s worth it.”
Help Is Available
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 or text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.
