Why Losing a Pet Hurts More Than You Think – And How to Help

Losing a Pet Can Hurt More Than You Expect – Here’s How to Help

Losing a pet is a deeply emotional experience, often underestimated by those who haven’t been through it. Even months later, grief can hit unexpectedly—whether it’s the silence of an empty home or finding a leash that once sparked excitement.

For many, pets are more than just animals; they are companions, family members, and sources of unconditional love. But grieving pet owners often feel isolated, especially when those around them don’t know how to offer support.

So, how can pet owners and their friends better cope with pet loss? Experts offer these insights:

1. Understand That Deep Grief is Normal

For some, losing a pet can feel even more painful than losing a human loved one. That doesn’t mean they care less about people—it simply reflects the profound human-animal bond.

“For many, a pet is the most important relationship in their life,” says E.B. Bartels, author of Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.
“They see them every day, cuddle with them, and share their lives with them. Losing that can be devastating.”

This is especially true for those who find comfort in animals more than people. The loss can leave a huge emotional void, making it important for friends and loved ones to acknowledge their grief.

2. Be a Good Listener – Avoid Clichés

Even well-meaning words like “They had a good life” or “You can get another pet” can feel dismissive. Instead of trying to fix the pain, just listen.

“Some people feel like they can’t talk about their grief because others don’t empathize,” says Annalisa de Carteret, who manages a pet-loss support helpline at the UK-based animal charity Blue Cross.

Offering a sympathetic ear—without judgment or advice—can be one of the most comforting things you can do.

3. Grief Isn’t Based on the Pet’s Size or Species

Grief over a pet isn’t tied to how big, cute, or common the animal was. A pet lizard, bird, or fish can mean just as much to its owner as a dog or cat.

“My friend’s dad was devastated when a raccoon killed his koi fish,” Bartels recalls.
“To some, they were just fish. But to him, they were beloved companions.”

Friends should respect the depth of the owner’s feelings, no matter what type of pet they lost.

4. Guilt is a Major Part of Pet Loss

Many grieving pet owners struggle with guilt, questioning whether they could have done something to prevent their pet’s death.

“They wonder if they should have noticed signs of illness sooner, made different medical decisions, or kept their pet inside,” de Carteret explains.

Some even feel guilty for grieving a pet more deeply than a human loss, which can be confusing and isolating. Reassure them that their emotions are valid.

5. Practical Support Can Make a Difference

Losing a pet can disrupt daily routines—especially for dog owners who are suddenly without their morning walks or dog park community.

A grieving pet owner might appreciate:
Going on a walk together – even if there’s no dog this time.
Helping with pet-related items – offering to donate supplies can ease the pain of seeing them.
Checking in regularly – simple messages like “Thinking of you today” can mean a lot.

“People often lose more than just a pet,” Bartels explains.
“They lose their routines, social interactions, and sense of purpose.”

6. Should They Get a New Pet?

While getting a new pet may help some, it’s not an instant fix. Every animal has a unique personality, and a new one won’t replace the lost bond.

For those considering another pet, it’s important to:
Wait until they feel emotionally ready
Recognize that a new pet is a new relationship, not a replacement
Understand that adjusting to a new animal takes time

7. Grief Lasts – Find Personal Ways to Cope

Pet loss isn’t something people simply “get over.” The sadness can return on anniversaries, special moments, or even random days.

Bartels lost her dog, Seymour, last June.
“I know I’ll struggle again when the anniversary comes around.”

De Carteret keeps her late dog’s ashes by the fireplace, his favorite spot.

“Some people might think it’s odd, but that’s how I cope,” she says.
“Everyone needs to grieve in their own way.”

Whether it’s keeping ashes, displaying photos, or planting a memorial tree, the most important thing is to honor the bond in a way that feels right.

Final Thoughts: Supporting a Grieving Pet Owner

Losing a pet can be as painful as losing a family member, and the best way to help is through understanding, patience, and kindness.

Acknowledge their loss
Avoid dismissive comments
Listen without judgment
Offer practical support

Grief has no timeline. What matters most is letting pet owners remember, mourn, and heal—at their own pace.